To Mourn Those Unborn
by The Notorious Cat
Summary: Edward is persistent about keeping Bella human, and though she thinks she knows why, there is a reason Edward hasn't yet revealed, and it might be the most important one. What is the reason, and will it effect Bella's willingness to change?


Ahhh! My first Twilight ficlet! Ohh how I love this book – I can't wait for part 2. I am excited beyond belief for its release, and since I am a very impatient person, I needed to write a fic to get out all my "Bella – Edward" energy.

So here it is. Not sure where this came from, and sorry if it sort of catches you off guard, but I think it's pretty good. I know it's short.

Obviously I own nothing. Oh well.

Here's the story!

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"Bella…I'm empty. Do you feel this?" He said with quiet fierceness. Edward wasn't yelling, but then again he didn't need to. He took my hand and pressed it to his chest, above his heart. Or, above where his heart _should_ be, anyway.

"No heartbeat. No blood flow. I don't even have to breathe!" he said in exasperation. Tears had been trickling down my face for the past few minutes, and he finally noticed. He sighed, pulling me close and burying his face into my hair.

"I can't do that to you Bella…I just can't…" he whispered, and I couldn't find the words I needed. My hands rested on his upper chest, and my fingers knotted his shirt into balls as they made fists. I cried into his shoulder; the agony and pain that was tearing us both apart was finally reaching its peak. Part of me screamed that I couldn't hold this in any longer. Edward clutched me to him; he really was getting better at being human.

If only he didn't need to…

Edward scooped me up suddenly and sat on the rocking chair in the corner of my room. He rocked me for a long while, at first just holding me tight, but soon he loosened his stone like grip, and the fresh air felt revitalizing as it swept over my damp cheeks. I calmed, my crying withering away until to stopped, and Edward pushed stray hairs out of my face. I looked at him reflexively.

He sighed as he repositioned me, now fixing me in a more sitting position, my face tucked into his neck. I breathed in deeply; his scent just another weapon he involuntarily wielded to calm me.

"Edward. Can you just tell me what it is? Please?" I whimpered, still not looking at him. He didn't respond, only started caressing my thigh lightly. His touch was intoxicating…I was loosing grip on my anger, and right now that wasn't something I wanted to do.

I got up from his lap, avoiding his eye, and sat on my bed facing away from him. I pulled my knees up to my chest, my chin perched on one of them. Two more tears fell as I heard Edward sigh, exhaling all the air his lungs held through his nose. But I remained stubbornly silent as I waited for him to make the next move in this delicate game we were playing.

"Bella…" He whispered, sitting upon my bed, pulling me onto his lap, and tucking a hand under my chin all in a one-second whir. I looked up at him, and the agony reflected in his eyes sent a split through my heart.

"Please?" I pleaded, and I knew he couldn't take many more of my tears. He sighed and looked away, and somehow, when his eyes met mine again, I sensed he was about to tell me.

"I…Bella I know you think you know why I've struggled to change you…but I'm not sure you do. The reason might not seem important to you now but…but it is. Bella, when one becomes a vampire, everything stops. In a way, everything dies…nothing continues to grow, to be produced within the body. Which means…"

He paused, the utter pain and anguish that he was feeling radiated over to me. Another tear fell, and I tried to imagine what his reason could possibly be. But nothing prepared me for what he was about to say.

"…which means I can't give you a child."

And then he fell silent. Our eyes remained locked, but I could feel his hand move over my stomach, coming to rest on the exact spot where, if I was to become pregnant, a baby would begin to grow. My breath caught in my throat, and I looked at his hand, trying to grasp what this meant for me.

"I can't give you a child Bella. I can't fill the spot in your heart that is reserved for your future baby, a spot I know you've saved since you were a little girl yourself. I know it's a dream you have, cradling your baby in your arms, watching it grow. I…" Here his voice hitched – something I'd never heard before. He closed his eyes, and I knew this was most likely one of the most emotional moments he'd experienced in his amazingly long lifetime. After a deep breath he continued.

"I've dreamt of that too…many times before. I want to watch my little one grow, to be a parent, kiss my pregnant wife's stomach…_your _pregnant stomach Bella. And I know that can never happen…I just don't have it in me to take that away from you. Please understand…I-"

I pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him. He looked deep into my eyes, searching for answers. But ever so slowly, I took my hand away from his mouth, and looked again at his hand which covered my stomach. My hand reached out tentatively, and until now I hadn't realized I was shaking. I placed my hand slowly on top of his, giving it a gentle squeeze. I tried to convey all my emotions through my hand; telling him it was alright, that I understood, that I would not forsake him as easily as he thought I would. My eyes crept back up to his, but he remained focused on our hands. Slowly his head turned, his eyes meeting mine, and his smiled fractionally.

"I love you." I said, my voice croaking from pent up emotion.

"I love you…so much Bella…I just…" He said quietly, the rawness of his voice almost scaring me. I buried my face into his neck, careful not to move my hand from where it rested on his; both our hands hovering above a womb which I suddenly knew would never bear a child.

"Shhh…." I reassured him, squeezing his hand when he pressed it into my abdomen, "I'm not leaving, Edward. Ever."

He pulled me against him, and silent tears began falling from my eyes. That night, we both mourned for the child we knew would never have.

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END!

Sorry for the shortness…. I'm not really planning on continuing this unless something amazing strikes me.

Please review!

- The Notorious Cat


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